Culture is our system for understanding information, and negotiations advance by detecting the signs of different perspectives. However, many of these are hidden from view, surfacing only in our movements and tone. Complicating the picture, people usually react innately, driven by subconscious processes out of their immediate control.
Changing Course in Paris
It was a dismal and grey November day in Paris. I was in the first segment of my international M.B.A. program in 2008, digesting a textbook a week, and working to understand daily news of the on-going implosion of the world’s financial systems. Dour weather and lessons marched through my thoughts.
But pleasant thoughts strolled as well. I was walking over to the neighborhood street market to pick up fresh ingredients for a new recipe, one my family would eventually call Parisian Chicken, a tasty dish of sundried tomatoes, spicy olives, and paprika. I was just another person going about his business in this big, international city.
From across and down the street, I noticed a man walking toward me. My ancient animal instincts identified purpose in his walk: another on an intercept course with me, not on a random journey. I slightly changed my direction; he corrected his course. An unnoticed moment passed, my subconscious quickly trying to decipher whether a friend or foe.
Navigating Mysterious Tides
People assess nonverbal attributes such as body language well before making any conscious judgments. The principal impact of these nonverbal clues is on our perception of that another’s emotional state, of their intent. Our subconscious creates and manages these perceptions and our feelings generated in response.
Nonverbal attributes conveyed subconsciously change our emotions. Another’s emotional state influences our own perceptions; how we chose to respond. Yet people transmit these attributes both purposefully and unintentionally. They may perceive and understand accurately or inaccurately.
Calm Waters and Powerful Undertows
The subconscious dominates our thoughts, classifying faster and typically without interference from rational consideration. The newer, slower instrument is often called ‘rational’ because (we believe) we are in control of its logical and stepwise operation. The older, faster apparatus often is called ‘irrational’ because we do not exert overt control.
The subconscious is so strong that it can override rational understanding. Psychologist Jonathan Haidt tells us, “Intuitions come first, strategic reasoning second.” We can train our subconscious, only slowly, and with many repetitions.
Managing Currents More Than Fighting Them
Our perceptions operate through these two distinct mental processes. The older and faster part exists and functions alongside the newer and slower. Our individual perceptions, preferences, and judgments arise consciously as well as unconsciously.
Yet subconscious perception deploys before it is recognized, assigning attributes before conscious thoughts appear. One of the strongest perceptions is identifying group membership, i.e., whether someone is with us or with them. We expect others’ intentions to be aimed at us, whether positive or negative.
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That unnoticed moment passed with my subconscious deciding that the man was not a threat, but was instead in need. A facial expression, perhaps, or the style of gait? The space between us closing, our eyes meet, our paces slowed. We stopped, standing on this corner in a foreign land.
In French that I could only just understand, he inquired for directions to nearby Luxembourg Gardens. I answered, in what I knew deep down was horribly broken, French. Yet, surprisingly, he seemed satisfied, even thankful. A thanks and a welcome, and we continued on our separate journeys.
I walked no more than a few paces and realized what had just happened: his French sounded just like mine. Two foreigners, recognizing each other’s unspoken signals, communicated in a local language. And together we had solved, naturally, a pressing problem.
Negotiators Deftly Guide and Steer Toward Success
The most critical aspect of perception is that most of it is subconscious, and the subconscious operates first, quickly and silently. We operate on two channels, emotive and factual, simultaneously. Recognizing, understanding, and training our subconscious channel is critical to successful negotiation.
Perception is uniquely self-centered … and there are a lot of us in there! https://youtu.be/Cjgdiy_SGjA