Negotiation relies heavily, but not solely, on speech. Talking is only the most apparent part of how we communicate. The language of thinking must surely precede the language of speech. Who better to confirm this than a child?
Children Think Long Before They Speak
My son was a year old, sitting on a high chair at our kitchen table. For once, he was not playing with his food or sending it to the floor. He was eating his peas, one-by-one. Eyes focused on the table, thumb, and forefinger methodically pinching their targets, moving the peas to his mouth, complete concentration.
My wife and I, along with our three-year-old daughter, were talking about something or the other. Perhaps the conversation was about the favorite family dessert sitting at the center of the table: a glorious brown pumpkin pie. Cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg filled the air. Perhaps I told my son that he must eat the peas before considering the pie.
Our son did not yet speak, uttering no words despite his clear, if not rebellious understanding of, don’t run around with the bottle in your mouth; don’t climb the bookcase!; wait!; STOP!
Today, however, he moved slowly. With an unusual calmness, he glanced back and forth between the peas and the pumpkin pie. He picked up a pea between thumb and forefinger, his hand stopping halfway between the table and his mouth. He turned, looking me straight in my eyes.
Thought is A Separate Element of Language
The issue of a mental language remains a hotly debated issue to this day across linguistics, psychology, philosophy, and cognitive science. With the brain’s actual code and functions masked from view, a simple point helps resolve the uncertainty between thought and speech: to communicate something, you must first have something to communicate.
People Talk and Negotiate With a Purpose in Mind
Thinking happens with incredible speed. Our mental language must be altogether different from vocal utterances. We have thoughts before we speak, intentions before we have words to convey our concepts. Speech marches words along in a line consisting of sounds, words, and phrases, none of which seems to match the colorful detail of concepts created by our minds.
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After a short pause to ensure he had my attention, my son turned again to look at the pumpkin pie. Holding the pea between his fingers, his hand pointed toward the pie, eyes again meeting mine. He smiled … and made the first comment of his life, “P.”
My head snapped toward the pie, then to the pea, then to him. I thought: wait? what? P? pea? pie? pumpkin pie? A joke? A pun? How in the world can the first word someone ever speaks be about the similarity between letters and words?
Negotiators excel when they uncover the hidden thoughts underneath the obvious words
Communication relies upon a very basic, and overlooked, human tool: our concept creating thoughts. And those aren’t speech. Recognizing the separateness of thought improves understanding in our negotiations, those commonly unique dialogues for finding solutions.
Here’s another take: his thoughts are light-years ahead of what he’s saying!