How often is your trust truly tested in everyday interactions? Despite how often the opportunity arises, our deep-set behaviors often make us stop and consider our situation. Is it better to trust and be deceived or not trust at all?
Our Attention Focuses On Immediate Issues
About once a week or so, I patronize a local café. Recently, I paid for a $6 order with a $20 bill. Unfortunately, the cashier only had singles in the register. She offered to find a $10 bill for me. I agreed, took my four $1 bills, and found a table.
With the delivery of my caffeinated hot tea and sugar-laden pastry complete, I dove into meeting preparation. My colleague arrived soon after that, and we tackled our agenda: social catch-up, past activities, deciding what to do next. Our fast and efficient, tea and pastry fueled conversation, finished right on time. We said our goodbyes and promptly went our separate ways.
Much later, I remembered I had never gone back for my $10 bill. Unfortunately, the café was long closed by then. There was nothing to do but go back in the morning, and hope for the best.
I would have to count on the same cashier both being there and ‘remembering’ the event. Ten dollars is a lot of pennies but not something to break the bank. Perhaps I could assuage my guilt by going grocery shopping.
Uncertain as I was, the unique opportunity to test our society’s basic premise of trust was intriguing. Two outcomes were possible: the hoped-for, positive, one of getting my $10 back … and another negative, maybe even likely, one of refusal. The lure to experiment winning in the end, I embarked on my mission.
Society Is Built Upon Trust In Fulfilling Our Commitments
Collaboration and trust built today's societies. We trust fellow drivers to obey the road rules. We collaborate at four-way traffic stops, errors arising more from misunderstanding or unfamiliarity than spite. We trust people to fulfill their commitments, even if only oral. A simple transaction, food for money, places trust in a flimsy piece of paper and the promise of future delivery. Even simple negotiations achieve success only through trusting collaboration.
Trust Arises From Relationship - Relationship Is Slow, Patient Work
Trust builds between people over time, but it also grows in the small interactions of everyday interactions. Each time we fulfill even a minor expectation, we add to the metaphorical 'bank of trust'. When we fail to fulfill an expectation, we withdraw more than we deposit. Trust is the currency of a relationship.
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Arriving at the café, the previous day’s cashier was not there. I told my story to the day’s staff, who became puzzled at the situation. An awkward pause, then one waiter, who had also worked the day before, announced, ‘Oh, yea, I think I remember’. The manager vaguely recognized me from past visits, but his expression didn’t suggest a ‘free’ $10. The manager went to the kitchen, prompting a quiet but animated discussion with ‘the owner.’ I stood to the side, fully relaxed. The manager stepped out to talk briefly with floor staff, then returned to the kitchen.
Minutes passed, eventually, the manager met my eyes from across the floor, silently mouthing ‘ten dollars’ and his brows furrowed as a question. I nod back ‘yes,’ eyes open, brows raised. He returned to the kitchen and reappeared with a $10 bill. With a smile, I respond, “Thanks, see you Monday!”
Negotiations Require Collaborative Dialogue - Engagement Is The Foundation
Negotiators dialogue, working out solutions to common problems. I chose to encourage trust, even with a low chance to get back my $10. Robust processes drive successful results. I engaged in the unique human art of negotiation.
For another take: we talk, we discuss, and we dialogue searching for a common answer!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvebOqneLIU