We judge conversations by their movement. We seek signs of progress: building confidence and trust in each other toward a future, whether working on home finances or company mergers. Advancement is nonlinear and erratic, and not only because of varying context, goals, or power positions. It varies because we influence the course of events individually.
Negotiators and conversationalists adapt to each other’s needs, reflecting mutual consideration (if they desire a successful outcome). Negotiation is a conversation, and the manner of engagement varies by person.
Our involvement changes the context. It is easy to focus on the person in front of us and their age, nationality, or language. A person’s sex is the most basic of our classifications. But using that approach is deceptive.
The Allure of Instinct
Interpretation of behaviors by male and female is straightforward and misleading. On average, males have more skill in developing power relationships and clash more over broad principles than specific insults. Females, classically, have more talent developing social relationships and clash more over specific wrongs than general principles. Not every male or female exhibits a standard behavior. It is the personal traits and not the sex that influences the course of progress.
Bargaining proceeds by engagement, regardless of an individual’s approach or leverage. Both conversationalist and negotiator influence a discussion’s direction with cooperation and competition. Possibly at the same time.
The prototypical male will trade hierarchical control (authority) for increased benefit. The standard female is comfortable with low levels of hierarchy and role definition. Yet, no individual male or female is illustrative.
A Spectrum of Overlapping Behaviors
People’s traits by sex fall in broad, intersecting parcels. Yet people often classify as female those traits that are emotive, passionate, and less prejudicial or violent. They sense as male those skeptical, competitive, and less supportive or transparent. We unconsciously infer different classic impressions of male and female emotional states. But behavior by sex is of the same relative magnitude as the differences created by culture, context, and socioeconomic class.
Males, on average, often focus more on resistance and teasing while employing less intimacy and empathy. Hence, they may have more difficulty ignoring forms of competition (like teasing) and thus delay agreement.
Females, illustratively, often use more storytelling devices and self-disclosure while avoiding disagreement and self-defense. Hence, they may have more difficulty waiting through silences and thus yield too quickly (to the other party).
Miscommunication Across the Divide
People converse within a group differently than with those outside their group. This difference includes between single- and mixed-sex groups. Prototypically, males talk with each other using the language of status and dominance. Similar females speak with each other using the language of relationship and affiliation. Critically, problems surface more frequently in a dialogue between the sexes.
Interruptions and questions in negotiations serve different purposes to our idealized male and female engagers. Females often use questions to reinforce a topic; males often use questions to interrupt or battle.
Those same imaginary females are more likely to use questions for information and males for rhetorical emphasis (like posing a statement as a question). Persuasion uses magnetic personality, not primal attraction.
Negotiation Skills Aren’t Pink or Blue
Trust structures a relationship, and relationship is central to our association into communities. Thus, the better skill of the average female to form social relationships creates the perception of increased trustworthiness. Those prototypical females are generally more affective, less directly antagonistic. The consequence of broad standard perceptions is that people have a greater chance of perceiving a male as harboring lesser intentions.
Whether male or female, the best lead negotiators are those who convey sincere interest in social relationships, demonstrate flexibility in the presence of complexity, and use emotions to build trust. Trust expands with better social skills, especially between groups.
A group culture (or style) places boundary conditions in negotiation on any particular individual’s behavior. Sex classifications adapt but do not supersede cultural norms. Constructive behaviors are what successful negotiators focus on, not a person’s biological sex.
Gender norms live in everyone’s mind! https://youtu.be/HGbBsg-s1CA